Opinions on football and life, as they relate to nonsense.
The heavily awaited return of the NFL Celebrity Look Alikes will this week feature the coverage team for Monday Night Football as well as other small world resemblances. I was actually asked by people and recieved messages about when the next one of these was coming, so without further ado:
Mike McCoy & David Andrews
Mike McCoy has been, so far, a sterling replacement for Norv Turner, however, a fruit roll-up would have also been a fine replacement to Norv Turner. McCoy has been given little press but was the man who got a Tebow lead offense into a 1-1 playoff record. David Andrews is also off the radar. A character actor, he can be recognized for playing a variety of the same guy, usually a military officer who seems cold but really just has his hands tied by the situation, most recently he played that character in World War Z. One of his few lead roles was in the very not popular “Mann & Machine” which was the 1992 attempt at a robot cop show. In this incarnation Andrews played the human, a fellow by the last name of Mann, I believe, and was opposite Yancy Butler, who was playing a “Gynoid”, which is exactly what you think it is.
Mike Tirico & The Tortoise
Kicking off the MNF coverage theme we have Mike Tirico and the tortoise from the Warner Brothers cartoons. Mike Tirico is tragically the most boring looking man ever, tragically because he is currently, in my opinion the best analyst in the business behind Bob Costas and as good a play by play man as there is. And the Tortoise? Apparently his name is Cecil.
Jon Gruden & Chucky
This one is a freebee and I think it has been beaten to death at this point, but it works with the whole Monday night thing and let’s face it, this is funny and uncanny. As it turns out they both are annoyed by Jennifer Tilly’s stupid voice.
Lisa Salters & Michelle Obama
This was recommended to me. I think in terms of hotness, Salters is ahead by a mile here. I don’t know, they sort of just have the same haircut, depending on the picture, not so much in these ones. Actually I think Michelle Obama bears a striking resemblance to a young Jack Nicholson. Maybe Barry just really likes the movie Chinatown.
Tony Dungy and Gollum
Tony Dungy and greatness are basically synonymous. However Tony Dungy and Gollum are basically dead ringers. The two share very little in common outside of their looks. Periodically Dungy does talk about Peyton Manning as if he is the One Ring, his precious if you will.
Chris Johnson & Bob Marley
No woman no cry, yes Titans’ fans all cry. Not only does this guy look like the progenitor of reggae, but they also hold similar fantasy value, which is odd as Chris Johnson is rather alive while Bob Marley is quite dead. If I had to choose between the two in the 16th round of a fantasy draft I would probably take a chance on Marley.
Marshawn Lynch & The Geico Cavemen
The choice was made by the ad agency to use Brian Orakpo over Marshawn Lynch. The first of the reasons was that Orakpo is a bit of a do nothing and would most likely come a lot cheaper. The increased price tag and the 700 bags of skittles demanded by Lynch would have been enough to make the decision alone, however, the executives also thought, had they chosen Marshawn, the audience would be confused as to which one was the cave man or why there was a cave man on a football team.
Paul Posluszny & Buzz Lightyear
When Pixar was doing the character design for Buzz Lightyear they went with a massive and ridiculously over pronounced jaw line, one that no human could ever actually have, except in the case of Paul Posluszny. If they move the Jags to LA he could moonlight at Disneyland in the off season, he wouldn’t have to barely dress up either.
Clay Matthews & Heidi Montag
These two are not only look alikes, but they are secretly besties. They get their hair done at the same place and Matthew’s ego is nearly as big as Montag’s air bags. When I was looking this up I had to do quite a lot of different parameters in order to find similar images. Among the phrases used searching were; “Clay Matthews Sexy” and “Heidi Montag Wet”. I am fairly sure Google figures I am a deviant at this point, especially if they take into consideration the other things I search on the internet.